ENEMIES: From War to Wisdom Episode 31: The Help that Hurts and the Hurt that Helps: Knowing How to Help When Others Are in Need

Years ago, there was a saying that came out of family psychiatry, especially in working with families of young adults with severe psychological disorders. It went like this, “When it comes to parents, there’s the help that hurts and the hurt that helps” – meaning that it is very difficult to know how much we can really help when loved ones are in need or in trouble (especially when they are teens or adults), and how much we need to allow them to find their own way. In this episode, we will talk about helping those at home with you, as well as helping people in your community who need help. When there is an acute need, what is the help that hurts? Sometimes we find ourselves giving opinions, advice, and even making judgments when others need help. These strategies are not helpful. Other times, we may not want someone close to us to go through a painful experience, simply because we are too afraid of the outcome for ourselves. The ways we help and try to help need during this COVID 19 crisis can be fined tuned if we pay closer attention to the nature of compassion, sympathy, control, and empathy.